i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
