I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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