By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize