Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
