my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
