tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
