she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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