Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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