So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
