exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
