I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize