He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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