Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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