so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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