I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
