Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
