You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
did i walk over a car last night?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
