ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
