I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
