i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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