Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
