it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
