Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
