Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
