I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
