do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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