I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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