SEEEEXXX PLEASE
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
