my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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