mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
