too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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