Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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