I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just google imaged poop.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize