Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize