I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
