at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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