Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
