guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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