He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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