We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize