saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm too high and old for this...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
