I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize