I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
