hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
