we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize