im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize