explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
