I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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