Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
