Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
