Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
