I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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