Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
