There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
