Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
