Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
