Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Mom said you looked used
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
