no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
