first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
