Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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