I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
