Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
this boner is exhausting
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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