At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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