there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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