It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
