I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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