I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
