as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize