I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Non-Jews are for practice
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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