she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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