What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
