Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
