we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
