girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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