I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Ambien. No doubt about it.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My liver is preforming stress tests.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
