Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
