and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
