I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
