I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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